I think about my blog a lot - even though my posts on here are beyond infrequent. I figured now was a good time to come back and say hi, but let me share a few warnings before you proceed with this post…
I like to think of this blog as one of my safe spaces… similar to my bed, my favorite yoga studio, my in-law’s house, my favorite coffee shop, and truthfully, my closet. For some reason I find myself going into my closet when I’m either having a rough moment or need to come back into myself and meditate. Maybe there’s something to being surrounded by your favorite shoes?! ;)
On a more serious note, I’m working on creating another safe space - within myself. I haven’t always been my best friend, and honestly, it’s one of the hardest relationships for me to maintain. After battling with an eating disorder back in highschool, my parents moving out of my childhood home, then moving to LA in the span of about 14 months, I didn’t feel like I had many safe spaces. I had a hard time finding one within or outside of myself as an 18 year old, and LA forced me to create one.
LA will always be a huge part of me - I find myself thinking about LA often. It gets brought up in conversations frequently, which I love! That city will always have my heart and I love to reflect back on who I was and became when living there. Forced to learn how to be independent, that city made me learn how to create a safe space for myself. However, I struggled creating a safe space within myself. And I’m still working on that…
I’ve battled on and off with my ED since it began, and if you’ve unfortunately battled with one yourself, you know it’s an ongoing “thing”. Some days are much more manageable than others, even weeks or even months! Other times, it’s all consuming.
I consider myself to be an extremely optimistic, outgoing, positive person, but on the inside it can get dark. It’s not a side many people see of me, and not one I love letting people see. But here I am, writing this blog post (for god knows who to see, hahaha hello, thanks for being here!) in one of my safe spaces.
I’ve done what I consider to be a very decent amount of therapy in the past 8 years and definitely take a more holistic approach to my health and wellness. (I like to joke I’m “hippy dippy trippy” — IYKYK.) I recently began going to acupuncture in a very large and hopeful effort of curing my terrible periods. My cycles are really painful, really intense and truthfully, they can feel extremely isolating at times. The day I start my cycle is spent in my bathroom, kneeling by the toilet and throwing up because of the pain. Doctors have told me “if you’re throwing up due to the pain, that’s the equivalent of breaking multiple bones at the same time”… Awesome!! :) While I’m extremely grateful to live in a world with modern medicine, I don’t love the options that are offered with Endometriosis… in comes acupuncture! I went in LA and saw tremendous improvement with my cycles, and finally felt like it was the beginning of something monumental for myself and my body, and ultimately cultivating that safe space for myself when I put that much energy into caring for me! Then, along came a cute little thing called Covid. LA shut down, as did my acupuncture office and the painful periods wound their way back.
I’ve spent the past year or so going to therapy, wondering if my periods were a symptom of trauma stored - remember, I’m hippy dippy trippy, but if you think I’m crazy, go read The Body Keeps Score. You’ll thank me later ;)
I was able to see some improvement, which was AMAZING! But it wasn’t anything permanent… My last cycle was one of my very worst and I explained to Jack it was honestly getting to a point of being traumatic to go through that much pain. I have had enough and I’m so excited for this new chapter with acupuncture and honing in on my relationship with myself. Becoming my own bestie sounds like a dream come true, but with my past struggles with eating, it goes hand in hand with acupuncture. Aligning and healing your body involves more than a few needles in you once a week and I’m really trying to give my body what it needs.
I’m here for all the easy at home recipes so please send all of them my way! Lord knows I’m a lover of my morning lattes and eating out, but I know the more I can depend on myself to care for myself, the more results I’ll begin to see and feel!
I’m excited to journal this “chapter 25” and be able to look back on it one day when I have less painful periods and some more safe spaces in this world, especially within myself.
All of this was to say and encourage you (and obviously myself) to try and connect with yourself a bit more each day and treat yourself how you treat your bffs. You deserve nothing but the best, and all the safe spaces you can imagine, whether that’s in yourself, your partner, your home, your favorite coffee shop, your work, or outside. This is chapter 25!
Xo, S.
